~Deuce Deuce~

     So, nobody told me at week 22 I'd all of the sudden have the bladder of a 98-year old woman. By that I am sad to admit that... I peed my pants a little bit. Ugh. I work with a lot of pregnant ladies, and they have admitted to it, laughed about it and moved on. No bigs. It's a pregnancy thing. HA! Wait till it happens to you! It's unpleasant! I swallowed a little bit more water than I anticipated and I coughed. It wasn't like a little pee dribble happened to escape. It was more like this:

I chose this one because it looks majestic and makes me feel better about myself.

-it doesn't FEEL majestic when it's in your pants though.

     And it happened at work. I am SO grateful scrubs are water resistant for the most part. I ran to the bathroom immediately to wash myself off (it was really just a trickle), and you know, it could've been much worse. It's not like it was this:

This is in Iceland, BTW. If you haven't been, I suggest you go. 

     So, as gross as it is, I have a strict Kegel regimen these days and I'm armed with panty-liners. (thanks for the tip Malinda) Aren't you glad you read this? Don't you feel like we're SO much closer now? Me too. 

I'm kegeling right now and you can't even tell. 

     On a different note, does anyone know if it's normal to have even weirder dreams than normal? My dreams are usually very tactile anyway, but lately, everything is magnified. Things aren't simply in color, they're almost neon. I don't just feel things with my hands in my dreams, everything I touch I feel deeply connected with, like there is an emotional transfer. Also, some of the focus of some dreams are different. I have had multiple dreams of drinking while I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant in my dream too, and just knockin' 'em back. I don't seem to remember I'm pregnant in my dream until I'm about 2 beers and 2 whiskeys in. I thought to myself, "Damn, what does that say about me?" I thought at first maybe it meant I am a terrible person or a deep psychological alcoholic. But then I decided to consult the Google. It tells me I dream about that because I feel like I'm losing control. Well no shit. In a few months I'm about to have no control at all. And I am excited! -I think those are the hormones talking... 

     

Well that escalated quickly....

Holy crap. It's week 21! I was reminded that in 19 short weeks I will most likely be meeting this little Lebowski Urban Achiever!! Yep, that's right, that's how I'm referring to him.
Speaking of which... ahhhh the name game. What's in a name... We've thought of names for a long time, but not knowing if it was a boy or a girl made it seem so far away, almost, not real. Does that make sense? It didn't seem, serious I guess. Now that we know our little Urban Achiever is a boy, well, shit just got real. I was thinking, maybe we could make this little one a junior. We could call him.... Ambro. Hmmmm.... when I think of Ambro, this is what I imagine:

"Mom said rock it till the break of dawn!"

-Beastie Boys

So... maybe Ambro isn't that great of a choice... the search for names continues. We have a few picked that we like a lot, but have not settled just yet. Of course, it is traditional to include a "family" name. Usually a child carries not only the paternal last name, but a first or a middle name is typically taken from a previous family member of either side. Usually this is done to honor a family member. This is also something to think about. Something else to consider, which could possibly be THE most important factor is, how can you make fun of whatever name you choose? It's important to start making fun of what you're considering, because you know someone else will. Case in point, when we were thinking of girl names, I suggested Ryder. No, no, no Kris said, boys will make fun of her till no end once she gets to high school. Ahhhh, yes. Therefore, Ryder was out. A great place to find out how that name will be twisted into crumpled potential tears of embarrassment is a fire station, or at a nurse's station I've discovered. -This is most certainly not a BAD thing. This can save your future child feelings of inadequacy and you thousands of dollars in therapy. Growing up, I remember getting made fun of for my last name. Of course, I already knew what kids would do with my last name, and at first I hated it, but over time, I embraced it. Harriman = Hairy Man. Yep. That's me. Or Hairy Woman. Ok, cool. I don't care, I guess I would've cared more if I had a hairy upper lip or thick black hair or something. But since I don't, it didn't really phase me much. 

The other thing ruling my world lately is nesting. Oh boy. We're still waiting to hear on whether or not the bank has said yes to us owning a small farm in Beavercreek. But alas, I haven't let that stop me from fulfilling my need to nest. And I'm gonna toot my own horn here. I nest like a mofo. In fact, whats the term for nesting like a total badass? Check it out:

Painting Need: Check.

Demolition Need: Check.

Polishing Need: Check.

Girly Need for Sparkle: Check.

Post Home-Improvement Snuggle Time With my Love: CHECK.

Now the painting thing I did by myself. Instant gratification, so good :) The bathroom stuff, couldn't do it without the help of my handsome husband. I don't think he knows that he's helping me nest. But it's awesome. The urge to nest is strong, it's primordial I think. And nothing is more sexy than your husband busting his butt to help make sure things are taken care of. This, coming from a woman who is very much "I can do it by myself!" But damn it's sexy to feel take care of, provided for. 

Something else I've been working on... a journal. A keepsake for this little boy to have if he wants, in the future. 

I chose a plain book with plain pages with the idea that the words written on those pages might be thought of like a private conversation between the writer and it's intended recipient only

I usually write in this journal at least once a week. It started at 5 weeks along. There's something really personal about handwriting. People don't write anymore. Take this blog for example. Everything is email these days. I feel that handwriting can transfer emotion, a piece of someone's personality that you just can't get from something typed in Times New Roman on a screen... Sometime down the road hopefully he can hold this journal and read thoughts and feelings, get a sense of the hope and excitement that we feel with him growing. His grandparents have written in it, Kris has also written in it, which I absolutely LOVE. I put his ultrasound pictures in it, and I've included some pictures of his extended family. I included the note the ultrasound tech wrote as well proclaiming that he is a boy! Don't get me wrong, I think the baby journals available to buy are adorable, they just weren't for me. 

With that being said, it's time to make another entry in that on-going private conversation to my son. Makes me SO proud to be able to type those words here, and share these thoughts and feelings with you guys. I have never felt this kind of pride in my life, this over-whelming sense of love and kindness with ever prevalent peace and joy. 

It makes me sad that motherhood is taken for granted, especially when knowing amazing women who are unable to achieve pregnancy. My heart goes out to those women, and I hope they know it does not make them any less of a woman, or a mother. It does not mean they don't deserve those titles, or respect in that manner. Being a mother is a feeling, a state of mind, a facet of your soul that you find over time. Not necessarily going through a successful pregnancy. So I end this entry with sending out much love and respect to all women out there who associate themselves with having that feeling in their hearts. 

What's behind Door # Vagina?!

Here we are, week 20. A pivotal week in the baby saga. This is the all-powerful week that we, as parents, get an idea of what we're in store for in the very near future. Are my biggest concerns going to be something profound like a heart defect or can I spend my time fretting about what color of accessories to get this little hooligan? Can I worry about Hello Kitty vs. Fire Trucks please? I don't think I slept for two whole nights before our "Anatomy Scan" This is the time we get to see our baby looking more like a baby! More importantly, the docs can tell us if things are progressing normally or not, and even MORE importantly... does my little hooligan have a wiener or a vagina?!

As I wrote in a previous blog entry, my plan was to have our ultrasound tech write the gender on paper and seal it up so we could learn our baby's sex together as a family. Our tech was really good at not revealing what was going on and wrote it down for us and taped it shut. When our scan was all finished (it took about an hour and 15 minutes or so; I loved every minute, and yes, i cried like a little baby just watching it move). After our scan I had to pee like crazy! So I headed off to the rest room and when I came out I knew Kris peeked. I said, "You looked, didn't you?" his response?, "Of course I looked, I can't wait!" I chose to continue to wait because I am a glutton for pain. 

"If you look at this way you can see what he wrote and you don't have to open it!"

Gaaaaahhhhh! I could barely stand it! Finally 7pm came and the family gathered at Mother's in downtown Portland to have dinner and share the news. 

Someone was a little excited! :)

The note from our ultrasound tech Adrian

Holy Crap!!!!! We're having a little boy!!! -And you know what? I think I saw his junk on the monitor when the ultrasound was getting done. They scanned his little butt and I thought to myself, hmmmm... there's some business goin' on.... But I'm no tech! I couldn't be for sure! 

What I thought was absolutely amazing was watching him move, looking at his little face, his tiny little hands and all of his fingers, seeing his feet, already well-formed, knowing that they will carry him through his life time, looking inside his body, seeing his brain and all of it's functioning structures; seeing his tiny little heart pumping his tiny little blood, knowing he will grow up to love others so greatly with his very being. Knowing that his little mouth will someday call me momma and tell me he loves me. It was overwhelming, and beautiful, and I am so proud. 

The fuzzy bit above my little boy is my placenta. 

(No, I will not be eating this, or ingesting it in any way... not that there's anything wrong with that)

The gaping hole in his chest is his little heart.

Looking down at him from above his head. 

My little owl.

So tiny, yet so powerful.

Here's lookin' at you kid!

Freaky, I know, with the lens of one eye visible.

He's on his side, his right eye is the small circle in the orbit.

Picasso-esque? Yes, a masterpiece.

This soon to be new mom and dad are still floating after getting to see our little man yesterday. I would definitely agree with those who say finding out the sex helps bond more quickly. I feel very close to my little boy and I am more excited than ever to get to meet him! 

Week:19

Well it's Tuesday again... and you know what that means. Another week along... 19 weeks today! Pretty exciting! I was downtown Portland for a conference the last two days and I caught a glimpse of myself in a storefront window and I looked very pregnant. But alas! I didn't feel ugly or fat... I felt... hot. VERY different than how I have felt in recent weeks, thank you very much hormones. Finally though I feel like, there is no ..."is she pregnant?" accompanied with sideways glances... there is no mistaking this belly. And I like it.

Oh! Guess what else? My body is making up to 50% more blood! No blush on these rosy cheeks! I'm au naturel baby! <---- see what I did there?

I could feed a small starving village of Vampires

This week our little monster is said to be about the size of a grapefruit. Whoa. They grow up so fast! Why, it was just yesterday it was the size of a poppyseed... With the increase in size I've noticed I pee more, again. Zofran continues to be my friend, and this little baby is a night owl. 

So, now that my condition has become more and more evident... the comments flow in steady waves. This is not me complaining, this is me being amused. Everyone has a pregnancy / pregnant lady / scary baby story they feel compelled to share. And you know what? To be honest, I've sought some out online because I enjoy the nitty gritty. It's probably why I do what I do. I read somewhere that for like the first week after birth blood just dribbles down your legs, and that taking stool softeners is SUPER important because, well, not only will you have a new bundle of joy, but you may have a few raging hemorrhoids as a consolation prize!! Yay!! I've heard some really good tips too, like, lanolin for the nipples will be great, ( I imagine it's like Bag Balm for udders ) and vegetable oil around the 'ol StarGate so it can stretch properly and not rip in a bazillion places. I'd rather my StarGate doesn't look like the exit of a carwash...

Ouch. 

What are some of the awesome things people have shared with you? Of course I've gotten the "It's a boy because... / It's a girl because... " and the person goes on to point out a physical feature of mine that has tipped them off. Also questions like, "Do you have a midwife?" or "Are you doing a home birth?" Legit questions that people really want to know, not just a segway for them to tell you about how strongly they feel one way or another, just people genuinely curious. Which is nice. 

We've decided to deliver at the hospital I work at. For a number of reasons. It's where my doc is, it's where I work, we're equipped with a NICU... etc. Some folks have asked, "Aren't you concerned you may see someone in the halls that has SEEN you?" Not really. I figure they look at their patients like any other patient, I have girl parts, like girls do, and if they get to witness my screaming bundle of pain slide out into the world then cool :) and if something goes wrong and they're there to help, I'm grateful. :) Maybe if I rip to all Hell they can throw in an extra stitch at no extra cost... "Employee Discount" and when I see them in the halls at work I'll high five 'em. 

Is next week here yet? I sure would like to know what sort of baby is brewin' in there... Until then, I leave you with:

Food Porn

Refrigerator Raider

Here we are at week 18, and for the first time during this whole pregnancy, I can honestly say, I'm starting to feel comfortable. (I hear this doesn't last) I've been trying to figure out whether I truly am more comfortable in my own ever-expanding skin, or maybe I'm just getting used to what is going on here. Either way, it's nice.

Emotions are still tricky at times, I will admit. Last night my husband and I were watching a documentary on big cats in Africa and there I was sobbing like a little girl when they showed an older mommy lioness walking off to go die alone. The music was going and she was old and hurt from a fight and she held out long enough for her little cub to get accepted into the pride. Once the cub was accepted, she hobbled off, all by her lonesome and laid down. Her cub kept sniffing around for her and it was one of the saddest things I had ever seen! Tears were flowing in steady streams down my face and I was hoping my husband wouldn't see me. But, of course, he did. I felt like a child and he was so sweet, put a hand on my leg and gently said, "It's ok, she's an old girl, it's her time. Her cub will be fine." I thought that was very sweet, exactly what I needed too. I feel like at the beginning I was a ball of fire, and now I'm a big soggy pile of wet toilet paper.

But physically I'm fine! I can feel this little hooligan move around every day, although it's not strong enough for Kris to feel yet. I still get up at LEAST 3 times at night to pee. And the bloody noses, every time I blow my nose, I get this:

The trashcan in the bathroom looks like I'm perpetually on my period and throwing my soiled "feminine napkins" in the trash face-up and open wide for my guests to gaze upon.

You're welcome.

The clever app on my phone estimates my hooligan to be about the size of a dragon fruit this week. Have any of you ever seen a dragon fruit in person? I, myself, have not. So I did a google search, because telling me its that size means nothing, except paints a cool picture in my head of a fruit that is spiky and breathes fire and probably rides a motorcycle and listens to death metal... So I typed in my question "What is the size of a dragon fruit?" and what the all-knowing Google told me is it's roughly the size of my hand, or the size of an apple. Next I searched images and this is what I got:

That's some bad-ass fruit right there and that dude is excited.

Two weeks from today we will learn which reproductive system our hooligan is equipped with. I am pretty excited about this. Kris is pretty excited as well. I have it all planned out, of course, because my little white-knuckled hands need to iron-grip some control over something... We are going to our ultrasound appointment and will have the doc conceal the revealing ultrasound picture in an envelope. We will have dinner with his family that evening and open the envelope all together. I love surprises, well, good ones, anyway. So I'm really looking forward to this. Originally I didn't want to find out. I wanted to wait until the baby was born, but Kris really wanted to find out, and over time, I started to want to find out too. I've heard from other moms that they felt more of a bond after they could refer to it as he or she while it's still in the womb. Honestly, I'm pretty stoked to find out because if it's a girl I can just go nuts buying all the Hello Kitty stuff that secretly I want and say it's for the baby :) 

Last, but not least, it seems this little hooligan has started to pop out a wee bit. Although there are times where I've seen people look at me, well, my belly, and look away, and look again, perplexed. Feeling as though they can't ask because that would be offensive. I still feel like a fat girl at the gym. I feel like people see me working out and they're like, "Good for her!"  Meanwhile I'm on the elliptical sweating my ass off and the whole time thinking, "I'm hungry!!!" 

Money Shot

With that said, off I got to the kitchen to grab a snack. Until next time...

Little House on the Prairie

.... so here we are, week 17, and according to this app I have on my phone my little monster is estimated to be about the size of a navel orange. Mmmm, orange... Is it weird that I want to eat whatever fruit it's said to be the size of? Does that say something about my psyche? I guess at least I just want to eat the fruit, not like I want to eat the placenta, not that there's anything wrong with that...

Moving right along... So some of you guys know that Kris and I put an offer on a short sale months ago. Great house, 5 acres, out buildings... Dead end road, etc. but due to a minor set back, we're still waiting. Well, maybe starting over. I have to admit, I was really depressed about it for a few days. It's taken me awhile to wrap my head around the idea of focusing my energy into fixing some stuff on our current place that needs fixing anyway and to realize we may be bringing our little bundle of joy to our current home.

I just have this insatiable desire to nest! To get a room ready, pick colors and all that extra stuff that isn't absolutely necessary but fun to do. I have to take that energy and channel it into tiling a bathroom and doing yard work, which doesn't sound near as appealing, but needs to get done anyway. You see, I have this thing where when I want something badly enough I bulldoze my way through any obstacle to achieve it. Which, can be a good thing and a bad thing.

So in the meantime I'm going to be focusing my energy on these other things. I still find myself doing research on baby stuff and conducting field tests... I'm sure this lady in Nordstrom's today thought I was certifiably crazy because I was petting the diaper bags and mumbling mental notes to myself.

I've also been listening to people's advice as far as is it on to drink a glass of wine now and then or is it (gasp!) absolutely a no-no?! Man are there some strong feelings about this. I could probably classify this as one of those Great Debates. A woman I work with told me about this stuff:

It's basically white grape juice. Really sour white grape juice. 

Meh, I know many a woman who has consumed a glass of wine here and there during their pregnancy. I think it's fine, their kids turned out just fine. As for myself, I think I'll just wait it out. 

One thing I don't mind indulging in? 

Saint CupCakes

(worth EVERY calorie)

...yes, I ate them all. 

                                                                                                 ...no. I do NOT feel bad about it. 

So while I'd rather be that pregnant girl who is far away in La La Land waltzing about her perfect home picking out colors and fabrics for her nursery I'm going to roll my sleeves up. I'm going to tile my little bathroom, do yard work, patch some holes in this ship and continue sailing. Oh, and smile :) 

Excited "R" Us

So, I'm a day shy of 16 weeks :) Tomorrow this little hooligan residing in my belly is estimated to be the size of an avocado! ...mmmm... avocado... must find a way to use that in my dinner tonight... sorry. These days I am a little bit focused on food. My appetite is about as big as I am lately.

I have recently begun the daunting task of researching baby products to make sure the things we buy are worth our money and will last a very long time. There is a TON of baby stuff out there! I've started asking mommies out there for their opinion on items, what they use a lot, and what they bought and never needed. Of course, there are the common sense musts that you can NOT go without; stroller, car seat, etc. I'm excited to get that stuff, but what I'm curious to know is the extra stuff that may not directly come to mind. Here are some of the results of what I've heard so far.

Some of the definite Must-Haves:
 - Bottle Brushes (to clean out bottles)
 - Boppy (to give the arms a break while breast-feeding)
 - Rocker with ottoman for those 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am feedings
 - Lanolin for the 'ol nipples

Some of the things people never used:
 - Diaper genie (supposed to keep the old poop rags from smellin' up the joint)
 - Bottle warmer
 - Bottle sterilizer
 - Sunshades for the car (probably wouldn't need that in the Pacific NW anyway)
 - Wipes Warmer

I throw the same question out to you, readers from afar. Are there items you could swear by and items that did nothing but add to the chaos in your life?

One of my besties and I headed to Babies R Us today to do some hands on research of some of the products I've been researching online. I must say, for the most part, a lot of the reviews I've read were pretty spot-on. Although, while we were there she showed me a myriad of other things I hadn't even thunk about yet. She has a son who is now 6, so it was really nice to have a personal assistant with recommendations and past experience help me carefully consider what will go on the registry and what is not worth anyone's money.

One tip she gave me that I have to remember not to forget... does that make sense? ... Well, whatever, anyway, she told me the worst brand of diapers, in her opinion, were Luvs. The best? Pampers. I hope costco sells Pampers because I'm sure this kid will be a non stop poop factory.

Field testing the Chicco Travel System

...not sure I'm mature enough to be having a baby...

Babies R Us are geniuses, they give wide-eyed, bewildered first time moms this little booklet with a Registry Checklist. Silly me, I figured I should research a travel system so that I can get a excellent quality stroller, car seat and car seat base all in one. Not according to their checklist. According to their checklist I not only need a travel system, I need: Traditional Stroller, Lightweight Stroller, All-Terrain / Jogger Stroller, AND a Double Stroller.

Hmmm.... I doubt that. At least, not right away. Think I'll stick with the Chicco Keyfit 30 Cortina Travel System in color scheme Fuego, thank you very much. ;-)