Leo or Virgo??

Well, here we are coming up on 41 weeks... I was scheduled to work tomorrow and Saturday and sadly, I began FMLA now. I felt really bad for pulling the rip cord because I don't want to leave my unit high and dry but man, the other night when I got off work my ankles were the size of softballs. Ick!  I remember a few weeks back when I would only swell after a long shift... now I'm swollen all the time.

My thigh doesn't really ever end anymore.

I hear the swelling will subside after the big show. I hope so. It's pretty uncomfortable. I'm sure the humidity is not helping one bit. 

I guess at this point the doctors appointments start getting pretty frequent. I was looking at my calendar in my phone and realized I have a doc appointment almost every business day now. Holy crap! One tomorrow, which I'm sure they'll offer to check and see if I've begun to dilate and I'll say NO, then a Fetal Monitoring appointment Monday, another doc appointment Tuesday, then another Monitoring appointment Thursday. Whoa people! Could it just be I was estimated a week off? Then again, what if he doesn't wanna come out? 

Ma! MEATLOAF!

Meh, I'm sure he's right on time, on his own schedule. His movements are a little more painful, feels like he's rearranging furniture and simultaneously practicing really slow Kung Fu... like Tai Chi maybe.

Take that momma!

I almost wonder if those "hiccups" I'm feeling are really him laughing diabolically... I guess I shouldn't put it past him... he is, after all, my child. 

muahahahahahahahahahaha! 

Of course as time goes on there are a myriad of "home remedies" that can get this party started... I hear pineapple will "ripen" the cervix. It even sounds gross. "Ripening the Cervix"? I guess it just paints an awful picture in my mind. There's always doin' it too. I keep getting that advice, and so does he. It's hard when you just feel like a farm animal. 

Can we turn the lights off please?

Maybe its a blessing in disguise. We're still working on the next house and THEN there's getting this current house ready to either rent or sell, or whatever. -I need to stop thinking steps in advance, because it is really just too much to bite off all at once. 

Well... it's time to hose myself down just incase the big show happens tonight... I need to at least freshen myself up. (sigh)

Week 40: Gimme one more week!

So I'm 2 days short of completing week 40. I was encouraged to perhaps blog a little early... just in case... so... here I am. A lot has changed in this past week. We got the key to our new place in Washington!! Hooray!!!! So while I'm being crazy pants McGee and working right up until the bitter end, Kris is up there bustin' his booty making our place ready to move in!

The girls are there for moral support.

Kris found this little gem, BONUS!

We also had another OB visit and things seem to be moving along just fine. I've come to accept my right thumb and index finger just live in a numb state at the moment. I'm really hoping I regain full feeling after Vanson is born. My dexterity at work has failed... opening pills in front of patients, I feel like the most clumsy nurse ever.

If you want that oxy bad enough, you'll eat it off the floor.

Not to mention every time I stand up, I feel this insane urge to pee right away. I think he's head-butting my bladder. And I have this sneaking suspicion, he's armed with an ice cream scoop. Certainly feels like it. Feels like he's taking that ice cream scoop and scraping it along the opening of my uterus. Not sure how he got ahold of that damn thing but someone take it away from him because that shit HURTS! 

OH GOD NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

So, because when I go to my OB appointments, it's not enough that I have to step on that scale and face the hard and fast truth that I've gained the equivalent of a pre-teen, we have to have conversations about  potentially gooey stuff in my underwear (losing the mucous plug) and a gush or trickle of water falling out of my vagina... (Kris has checked the seat in his truck after I've gotten out of it for this puddle surprise)

Bone Dry.

However, I think the ultimate loss of dignity at this point is getting handed a Patient Education handout talking about Perineal Massage. What's that you ask?! I'm glad you inquired! It's supposed to be done to reduce the risk of ripping my vagina clear to my asshole. Which, don't get me wrong, I appreciate, but didn't we already talk about this in weeks past? Not to mention, I don't consider myself a genius by any means, but I think its safe to say my comprehension skills are pretty up to snuff. So... the need for a diagram just isn't THAT necessary...

Doubles as a coloring book! 

Kids get your crayons!

Seriously though, who am I fooling? I am getting pretty damn excited to meet this little hellion that is wreaking havoc on my body. I'm getting more and more excited to see his little arms and legs flail free instead of meeting the resistance that is my belly. I dreamed that if I pulled the skin on my tummy taught I could see his little fingers. It was really freaky! Then I also dreamed that he was hungry in my belly, so I swallowed a bottle and then I could see him sucking on his little bottle under my skin... WTF? Weird! 

It is pretty exciting to wait for him though... again, the doctor also offered to check to see if I've begun dilating and to strip my membranes... I said NO. I'd like him to show up on his own terms... not to mention I really do love this anticipation... It's sort of like waiting for Christmas when you're just a kid. You know how you feel on Christmas Eve night? Unless you come from one of those families that gave a gift on Christmas Eve. 

Then you don't count, you spoiled brat. 

The rest of us had to wait, and if you did have to wait and you're like me then your little ass was in bed by 8pm because you couldn't wait for the morning!!! That's how I feel now. I mean, I want him to be at least a week late, so we're more ready in the new house, but I also really do enjoy the anticipation for him too. What does that say about me? I think it makes perfect sense for myself... I LOVE surprises, but I also LOVE to be prepared. 

I hope my little love stays put for another week at least. Then it'll be game on. For now though, Vanson, keep cozy, be well, and damnit, drop the ice cream scoop already.

xoxo

Week 39. Silence is golden.

This week we're at 39 and truckin' on toward our due date... holy crap. Shit is about to get real... Seriously, the woman typing these words out right now is going to become someone different as soon as Vanson is born. For some reason that is totally blowing my mind right now...

Such a trippy feeling...

So... I've also been holding onto a little gem... I think it's safe to break the news now... we've found a home in Washington. Looks like we'll close at some point this week (Just in time for Vanson to be due) and then we'll move and get the home I own ready to sell. Not to mention this home in Washington needs some work. It's important to think of these things in small bites because let me tell you... thinking about all of this at once is a little overwhelming... 

pretty much.

Moving right along... I think what I'm going to choose to focus on right now is being excited to get Vanson's nursery ready and getting our bedroom ready. Speaking of which, I got Vanson a little night light... and ok, fine, I got a nightlight for ME. I realize he won't actually need/use it for quite sometime, but damn its cool! It's made by a company called Boon and it has these three little columns that light up and change colors with these glow in the dark balls that sit in them. You can take the little balls out of the columns and they glow on their own! It's SO cool!!! Check it out:

I set it up in the store because the ladies wanted to see how it worked.

Cycling through the colors in the dark

Glowing Balls! 

So, as the weeks go by and Vanson's time in the womb is getting shorter and shorter I've noticed a couple of things... he's dropped for one. I tell ya, I've never even imagined what it might feel like to get my vagina sucker-punched from the inside (because why would I?) but let me tell ya, I now know what that feels like. 

He's a black-belt I swear.

Also, I'm back to being really tired again. Yesterday I napped twice AND slept all night. Here it is 9:30 pm and I'm already looking forward to hitting the hay. (I'm so proud of myself too because I didn't even nap today!) --my my how things have changed already. Also, strangely, all I want is silence. I want things to be quiet and calm. I'm not sure if this is coming from some animalistic part of me that knows quiet will soon be a thing of the past... but all I want is a calm, quiet environment. 

On a serious note though... I am getting a little freaked out about how all of this is going to go down. I realize women birth babies all the time, I get that. But I also get that sometimes things don't always go as planned, sometimes things aren't as easy as they should be. I don't want anyone to have to be elbow-deep in me... The focus of course is that he arrive safely, and hopefully that means he just slip 'n slides on out.

Weeeee!!!

Did I mention tomorrow is our first anniversary? Did I also mention my husband asked me if we had anything going on because he wanted to go fishing? (sigh) He then realized that probably wasn't a very good idea and added "I don't have anything sweet planned for you." 

I'm going to bed. 

Just sit there and look pretty.

Well well well... week 38. Did you know 38 translates to "Water Retention" in Latin? It does. My engagement ring has relocated to a necklace, but I'm still able to get my wedding band on and off. Although lately with mine and my husband's temper tantrums maybe that should go on the necklace too...

I'M GETTING THE GROCERIES, PAYING THE BILLS, AND DOING THE LAUNDRY ALL AT ONCE! HELP ME OUT!!! BLLLAAAARRRGGHHH!!!

Meanwhile he's all:

IT SUCKS TO BE AROUND YOU WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS!! STOP BEING SO DEMANDING!! I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU OR BE AROUND YOU!! 

BBBBLLLLLAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!

Then I'm all:

You don't like me! You don't love me! I don't know if our marriage is going to last! 

Then he's all:

...

We can't be the only couple that has faced this... I'm pretty sure I wasn't like this before. I was doing some reading in my science-y pregnancy book and it was talking about how there is a surge of hormones yet again at the end of pregnancy. Great. Hormones. You bastards. I'm excited for them to even the hell out so I can be all:

Yeah right. I'll NEVER be like that... 

Anyway, as far as V goes... I'm talking about Vanson here, not my vagina... he's estimated to be around 7lbs now. That would explain the constant pressure I feel "down there". I'm tellin' ya, sometimes I sit down to pee and I actually feel sore. TMI? No, no, no... if you're reading this, you know by now there is no such thing as TMI with me. Makes me wonder though... am I dilating already? Or is he just starting to settle? I don't think he's dropped... my ginormous belly is in the same spot I'm pretty sure. Although I will say this... my belly button is NOT poking out... but it does resemble a small butt hole. I was getting ready to shower and caught a glimpse of it in the mirror... Usually when I turn I try to shield my eyes...

that is NOT me I see in the mirror!!

But alas, it's true. I had to tell the people I work with, of course, because it's a new discovery. And I didn't want to suffer alone. OK fine, not only did I tell them... I showed them... and now I'm showing you guys because now I don't want them to suffer alone...

*shudder*

See those tiny little hairs too? Insult to injury...

I have never been more thankful that the majority of my body hair is blonde. I've heard women say, sometimes ladies get a "happy trail"... What the hell?! That's not a "happy trail", it's a trail of tears lady!

On a lighter note, seems Vanson is seriously learning some kung-fu or something. He's starting to throw out knobs. Actual, little round knobs I can grab... The first time I saw it I was lying on the couch and Kris was home... I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was the most alien thing I've ever witnessed happening to myself... I tried to snap a pic, but this doesn't do it justice:

Needless to say it's painful when this happens.

All this bellyachin'! You'd think I'm miserable or something... I guess for the most part I will say it's physically uncomfortable but more than anything it's been emotional for me. I'm not one to take things that are so monumental lightly. I hear the first year of marriage is the hardest, throw in having a baby and buying a house AT THE SAME TIME and selling two houses and yeah, I'd say that's the perfect storm for the shit to hit the fan. The question is, can we weather the storm? 

My Butthole: The Innocent Bystander.

I am considered full term this week and I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I surely don't feel ready... I mean yeah I'm more tired, my toes look like sausages at the end of the day and every time I get in the car or try to put on shoes or bend for anything my face turns beet red for a second, my tongue hangs out and I make the most unattractive grunting noise ever! Fine, sometimes a fart squeaks out too...

What? ...What smell?...No, no, that wasn't me. 

But this does not mean I am ready. I am not "tired of it" or "over it". I know I will miss him being in there, I will miss this "hands-free" version of motherhood. It's just so convenient to have my hands and arms available at all times, so convenient to have quiet...

I can do a bazillion things at once!

Hooray!

I am experiencing a new weird sensation though! It feels like I have to poop almost all the time. Definitely ALL the time when I'm at work, then MOST of the time when I'm off... but here's the thing, I don't have to actually poop. W.T.F. ??? Has anyone else felt this weird sensation?? I'm starting to get paranoid... will I be constipated soon? Will I get hemorrhoids on top of morphing into Fat Gumby?! K, I'm going to spare you the horrific images displayed to me when I typed in "Hemorrhoids" in google search... I am... speechless right now at what I just saw. Hemorrhoids are NASTY BUSINESS! Holy crap people! Seeing those images made me wanna go grab every laxative known to man and just guzzle to prevent my little butt hole from having to sustain permanent damage... After all, what did my butt do to deserve that?! My butt has nothing to do with this! It's not my butt hole's fault that my vagina has a house guest for a few more weeks! It makes me sad that my butt hole could be caught in the crossfire.

This is my butt hole looking toward my vagina.

Right now.

On a lighter note, I got to hang out with my friends at the race track this past weekend and I felt like myself again! 

You know its bad when you keep your friend's helmet on just to smell the sweat.

I felt strangely more perverted smelling the helmet than I would've had I smelled someone's seat.

Of course being at the track was cool and I was happy to see my friends do extremely well but this impending delivery is never far from my mind. Vanson is losing room by the day and I can feel him more and more. It's definitely more painful everyday, no, not the feet swelling and all that ugly business, but I mean his movements. Because they are more pronounced there is never a dull moment going on in my body between my diaphragm and my low pelvis. He's either sticking his foot out, in my ribs, sucker punching my bladder, or squishing my colon. I've been feeling my uterus flexing more as well... when it does I feel like it should be screaming a low, guttural scream, like a guy sounds when he's squatting a bunch of weight. 

Just gettin' ready for the birth, don't mind me.

Something that's been on my mind lately... water breaking. How cool would it be for Vanson to be born veiled? I know its an old wives tale, but veiled kids are supposed to be special, to have extra senses, whether that's seeing auras or being clairvoyant, or having a 6th sense. One step further though... kids born in the bag. Yeah, water never breaks and they slide on through all intact. Born with what's called a "Caul".

Born in the bag.

Nice 'n tidy.

I wonder how that feels? Does the mother still bleed a little bit? I would imagine she has to. How is that bag supposed to squeak by if it's all dry and stuff? Do they let the dad break the bag? Can the baby hang out in the bag for a bit and be fine? Makes me wonder if my water will break. When it does, will I know it? 

Did anyone else hear that gush?

What was that?

Speaking of water breaking... my husband asked me to put together a list of things I'd like and not like during the big event. I thought that was very thoughtful of him. I think he's getting excited to become a dad, and that makes me more excited too! I can see myself taking photo after photo of Vanson sleeping on his chest, and I'm sure the site will make me cry because I'll be so proud... anyway, back to the list... I have to say, I feel resistant to the idea of Pitocin. Why? You ask... I'm afraid it'll stress Vanson out too much and could lead to an unnecessary C-Section... I'd also like to give it a go as long as I can without an epidural... we'll see what happens, I'd like to say I'm just going to roll with things. But honestly, the things I care about most: Don't cut his cord until it's done pulsing, don't give me Pit unless I absolutely need it, and lets not do an epidural unless I absolutely need it. Oh, and don't break my water. I'd also like to labor at home for a bit first, you know, when it's not a big deal. I don't wanna run off to the hospital the minute I notice a pattern. I'd like to walk it out a little first. I'm afraid they'll stick me in a bed and throw a monitor on me and not let me move around. 

I need to walk around!!!

But who really knows just yet. It could be pain that just absolutely cracks me in half with light splitting out of me. It could be 36 hours of intense labor, maybe so painful I pass out? Anyway, my point is, who the hell really knows what it'll be like for me. I think I just need to keep telling myself to be as open as possible and when the big show happens I need to just do what I need to do to get 'er done. Just like all the ladies that have done this before me. 

Tough broads right there.

36-24-36 (not sexy when these measurements are your thigh-knee-calf)

OMG you guys! Did you know I'm about considered "full term"?! Ssshhhhhhhh!!!! Do you hear that?! Don't worry, it's just me hyperventilating...

BABY!!!!!!

Y U NO BE PREDICTABLE! 

I remember just a few short months ago, I would consult this app I have on my phone and it has this timeline function... I remember looking forward and thinking, dang! I can't wait to get to the end of this timeline... now that I'm about there it's pretty nerve wracking.

Um.... <choke>... pretty exciting. <choke>

Still slightly swelling a little bit and I have to say my biggest complaint as of yet is painful feet. Those two poor little feet have never had to carry this much weight in their lives. In the morning when I get up, I seriously dread standing because the balls of my feet hurt SO damn bad. 

When I look down, this is what I see...

Trust me, when I get up in the morning I sure wanna squeal like a pig. 

I was in so much pain after I got off work the other night all I could think about was getting a hard nasty foot rub-down. -Sounds so adult, doesn't it... well I took to Google and searched "Foot Therapy Portland" and I'll be damned! There is a place in Portland JUST FOR FEET!!! 

I wasn't the only pregnant lady in there either!

SQUEEEEEE!!!!!

One glorious hour of some poor soul dealing with my fat, gnarly, sweaty, mangled pregnant-lady feet while I get to relax and pretend that I don't feel bad that her beautiful smooth hands have to man-handle my grossness. Seriously though, they've ached so badly lately that my feeling bad about someone having to touch my feet only lasted a moment. Lucky for me my husband doesn't read this, so tomorrow night after I get off work I'll sweetly ask him to give me a hard nasty rub-down. He does a really good job actually. Lots of pressure.... Man how things have changed... I used to get excited about such different things. 

Which brings me to my next topic... I used to have a Ducati Monster. Yep. "Used to". Sold my Ducati today... 

His name was "Him". 

It's a sad day, but also, strangely, I'm happy about this. Happy because the guy who bought him seems like he knows bikes. Also, because he isn't a douchey douchebag. Sad because I'll miss Him, and we've had some really great times. 

So, now that time is limited for my little one here in the womb, the third and final baby shower has come and gone. I must say, the generosity has been overwhelming. I feel most lucky that there are a lot of women in my life who have shared some great advice, and many women in my life who can serve as great resources. It really does take a village. I've been busy just being a sponge and listening with wide eyes and a gaping mouth at everything I've been hearing. 

I figured, it's Portland.

We'll just put a bird on it too. 

Back to the baby showers, they were all really fun and I had a great time at each of them. This last shower was put on by the Grandmother-to-be and I'm excited that she's so excited! Here's a few snapshots from the shindig that makes me feel like this little hooligan in my belly is the royal baby everyone keeps talking about. 

Makes me smile every time I see his name.

Dessert anyone?

Lemon cupcakes Auntie Mak made. SO good!!!

SO cute!

My pretty girl seeking refuge among the foliage.

Probably THE coolest ride this baby will ride in.

Ever.

Because we're poor.

Anyway, the generosity of everyone and the well-wishes, and all the advice and sharing stories have been really great to hear. It's empowering to hear other peoples' experiences and to have people say, "If you just need to vent, gimme a call." or whatever. Means SO much. Also, to know that body parts go back to "normal" and that people "bleed forever" and end up ok, is nice to hear. If I let my mind wander too much on these topics I find myself going down this rabbit-hole and before I know it I have visions of a depressed, suicidal "Carrie" in my head...

Should I be bleeding this much...

Until next time... I'm sure I'll be freaking out about something else... Dare I say I might be freaking out about moving to Washington? ...